Breathe Slow
by VibeQuake
Summary: My name is Judy. I have depression, anxiety, and partial anterograde amnesia. But my mate Perry is very patient with me and I feel much better when I'm around him. I've never been able to recall my past but one day, flashes of random events begin to come back to me. With Perry's help, I try to piece together where I came from and why I'm the way I am.
1. Chapter 1

Where am I? Where am I? Where-?

Calm, Judy. Stay calm.

My name! Judy…I remember my name. That's always good. Come on Judy, keep repeating the information you know, that's what Perry taught you.

Judy. Platypus. Perry. Mate. Home. OWCA.

That's a start.

Where are you?

There's grass and trees and a lake on my right. A forest?

Danville Forest! You live near Danville Forest! Perry's house. Well, Perry's shed. You painted it purple and decorated it with the little butterfly stickers, didn't you? You like butterflies. You like purple.

Okay, remember what you did today. Why did you come into the woods?

I was walking…Perry had gone to work…the last thing he said to me was "I love you, see you later." Then he kissed me on the cheek and left via a silver tunnel in the side of the large oak tree that's on the opposite side of the backyard to my shed.

Typical, Judy. Either you remember nothing or you remember everything.

Why did you come into the woods?

I wanted to walk…

Why did you want to walk? You don't like walking because you get lost easily. You don't like going too far from home because you often forget where you live.

Like now, for instance.

Breathe slow. Stop hyperventilating. I know you have anxiety but if you want to get home, you have to calm down. Breathe slow.

That's it. Keep breathing and take steps. One after the other.

There's a tree stump. I-I passed that earlier…on my way in.

You're going the right way, Judy. Just keep going.

You're out of the woods! Well done, Judy. Good girl. Now look around. What can you see that's familiar?

There's a restaurant called the Better Panda. Perry and I went there two days ago for dinner. It was exactly two blocks from his house.

Keep walking, Judy. Keep going. You must be nearly there.

I must be nearly there.

I-I don't understand. Perry's house should be right here! It should be right here!

Judy, calm. Breathe slow.

I'm lost! I'm never going to get back home!

Breathe slowl

NOOO! I'M NEVER GOING TO SEE PERRY AGAIN!

Judy!

Judy!

"Judy!"

Someone's calling my name. I'm curled up between two garbage cans. There's rain pouring over my whole body. I'm completely wet.

"Judy!"

Someone bends down beside my hiding spot and sees me hiding between the two cans.

"Oh, thank goodness."

Like an animal trainer, my mate holds his hand out to me. "Judy, I've been worried sick about you. You've been missing for hours."

"I…went…for a walk…" I cough. "But I got…I got lost…I thought I would never find my way back!"

"It's okay, I'm here now. I'm here."

I take Perry's hand and allow him to help me out from my hiding spot. "Where am I?" I choke.

"You're in front of Isabella's house," Perry replies, helping me walk. "It's across the road from my house. You almost made it this time," he adds encouragingly. "You're getting better."

"I don't feel better." I sneeze and cough at the same time.

"Oh, dear. I think you might have caught a cold."

Perry helps me jump through the pet door and then we're inside the house, a fact I only notice properly after Perry has tucked me into his own pet bed.

"Perry? Why am I in your house?"

He picks up on my worried tone. "It's okay, my owners won't mind. Well, Candace probably will. But that's only if you go in her room."

"Why would I want to go in her room?"

"Then you'll be fine." Perry tucks the blanket around me.

I roll onto my back and look up at my mate. "Why am I in your house?"

"You're ill, Judy," Perry says gently. "You were between those dumpsters for hours in the rain and the cold. You might have caught pneumonia."

"Pneumonia is really the least of my worries right now," I sigh. "Isn't it?"

"How is it you can switch between depression and anxiety just like that?"

I replay my mate's words in my head. The words themselves are kind of mean but the tone was teasing…I decide not to be offended. Just like I have periods where I can't remember basic things, I have periods where I don't understand basic emotions. I don't know why that is.

"I don't know."

"Do you need anything? Food, water?"

He turns away as if to go, so I stick out my hand and catch his wrist. "Company," I choke out, a pleading look on my face.

"I can't, Jude. I really wish I could but I had to try really hard to convince Major Monogram to let me have a few hours off to look for you. Now he's saying I have to cover for my friend Pinky, who's off sick today."

"P-please," I beg.

Perry looks so torn that for a moment I feel bad for trying to make him stay.

"How about I take you down to your shed, a familiar place, and tuck you into bed there? I can sing to you."

I nod shakily, and Perry takes me down to my shed. It's about half the size of Perry's garage, and it has a proper human-style bed in the corner, where I feel safest. There's no windows but I have a light on my ceiling, a litterbox, a metronome with no ticking sound (it helps me relax to just watch it go back and forth), an iPod full of relaxing classical music to help me calm down, and an A4 notebook full of pictures that I've drawn. When I'm upset or scared, I need to draw the first thing that comes into my mind or I'll freak out. If I can't think of anything, I just look back at all the other pictures I've drawn to calm myself down.

I get into my bed and feel the softness of the sheets and duvet under my body. I can always tell which sheets and duvet are mine, even if they've just been washed. It gives me a sense of familiarity. Perry tucks the duvet around me and sits down in the rocking chair next to my bed.

"Do you ever regret meeting me?" I ask.

It's a question I have never asked him before but have always wanted to. Sometimes I get the sense that Perry wishes he had never met me or made me his mate because he has to look after me like he would a child. I only understand that in periods where I have a clear head, like most of the time when I'm around Perry.

My mate's face grows shocked. "What? Do I regret-? No! Of course I don't!"

"It's just that…I'm like a child…"

He takes my paw in his. "I love you more than anything, Judy. Don't ever doubt that again. I promise I have never once regretted meeting you. I will do anything for you, and if "anything" means rescuing you when you get lost and treating you like I would a child and dealing with your depression and anxiety, then I will continue to do it. I love you, Judy. You're amazing, despite everything you think is wrong with you."

"I have depression, anxiety, memory loss, and Asperger's," I point out.

"None of those things make me love you less," he reassures me.

"But…what if I'm not strong enough to give you a family? Children?"

"I don't care about that," Perry dismisses. "Children are simply a bonus. If I spend the rest of my life with just you, it'll be a wonderful life."

I smile weakly. "Thank you. I love you."

"I love you too, Judy."

He kisses me on the cheek and begins to sing me to sleep like a child:

 _It's a perfect day, it's in the mid-seventies_

 _Humidity is sixty percent_

 _It's a perfect day, not a cloud in the sky and I_

 _Can say without fear of dissent:_

 _It's a picture-postcard perfect kind of a summer afternoon_

 _It's a perfect day…_

 _It's a perfect day._

I can't say it's been a perfect day for me, but my mate's soothing voice sends me to sleep before I can hear the rest of the song.


	2. Chapter 2

When I wake up, my headache is gone and I don't feel sick anymore. I get up and open the shed door. It's morning. Judging by the dew on the grass, it's rather early morning. However, the sun is shining brightly and the temperature is rather high.

My mate's owners are out on the grass, sitting under that oak tree. They know about me and they know that I can stand on two legs and walk like them and draw and think like a human but they don't know about my mate's double life. At least as far as I know, they don't.

I head out across the grass on all fours. I try and be brave and approach them but as soon as the triangle-headed boy gets up and comes towards me, I turn tail and run back into my shed. I quickly switch on my metronome and watch it go back and forth.

Left.

Right.

Left.

Right.

Left.

Right.

Left.

Right.

It's soothing. It's repetitive. It's familiar. It helps me calm down.

I go to my table and pick up the necklace and put it on. My most important possession. I can't remember where it (or I, for that matter) came from, but I somehow know that one of my parents gave it to me. It's a necklace with a pocket watch attached to it, the kind where you press a button and the cover flips open. It's satisfying to do, and it's fun to push from side to side when I'm wearing it, a movement that I do now.

Suddenly I hear a noise from outside. I nervously peer round the shed door and see the two boys—Phineas and Ferb—and their friends building something. It's made of metal and they're using loud tools that I don't like so I race around the side of the house.

I don't know what opens the hole in the grass but I suddenly find myself falling into the ground through a tube. I yell in fright and try to slow my descent but I crash land on a hard floor. I immediately scramble up and hurriedly examine my surroundings. Everything's colourful and platypus-shaped. There's an orange chair facing a large screen.

Then an image comes into my head. An image of something I'm sure I've never seen before. It's weird…it looks like a-

Oh God…

Everything's unfamiliar. I don't like it. My fear is catching up with me and I can't breathe. I'm in an unfamiliar place with overbearing colours and loud noises and the image in my mind that won't leave me alone. I can't cope so my inner voice takes over.

Breathe slow, Judy. Breathe slow.

I can't!

Breathe slow. Judy, you're going to be okay. Just keep breathing slowly and in and out. In and out.

In and out…

That's good. Keep going. Focus on Perry's face.

Perry…

You love Perry. Perry is familiar. Imagine Perry with purple fur.

Purple fur.

You like purple. Think about butterflies. Butterflies are pretty. Butterflies are familiar. You like butterflies.

Butterflies.

Now, while you're thinking about butterflies, look for a way out.

Way out. Butterflies. Okay…the hole in the ceiling's closed. There's a platform in a tube over there.

That must be an elevator. Go stand on it.

Elevator…yes! It goes up and down.

Up and down is familiar. Like the left and right of the metronome.

That's good. Don't panic, Judy, that's just the doors closing. You're heading up now. Up is okay, up means going above the surface of the ground. Focus on Perry's face. Focus on anything but the unfamiliar.

Butterflies. Perry. Purple Perry butterflies…that's just weird.

I finally make it above ground. The elevator puts me right in the oak tree. Luckily, the kids are busy riding some giant mechanical dinosaur and haven't noticed me. I quickly rush across to my shed, dart inside, grab my notebook and pens, sit down on my bed, and draw. The image in my head is still there so I continue drawing until it's down.

It doesn't take too long; the image is simple. A footprint of what looks like a cat or dog. I've seen them in the mud around the street but I've never seen this particular footprint before. Have…have I? I don't remember seeing it but if I haven't, how has such a clear image of it come into my mind? It doesn't look like a footprint in the mud, it looks like it's made of stone. But footprints aren't made of stone, are they?

I don't know what's going on anymore, and that scares me. I quickly switch the metronome back on and listen to the Waltz of the Flowers as I watch the ticker move.

Left.

Right.

Left.

Right.

Left.

Right.

Left.

Right.

It's calming me. The classical music mixed with the metronome sooths me to the point where I almost fall asleep.

Then there's a knock at my door. I fall over onto my bed in fright but it turns out to be my mate.

"Hey," he says, coming in and closing the door. "My nemesis wasn't doing anything today so Major Monogram said I could come home early. Plus, Pinky's back in today so he can go sort his own nemesis out today."

He continues talking but I don't hear him. What seems like a video has come to mind but it's from a first-person view. It's a memory? I've never had a memory before. At least, not one from before Perry found me.

"Judy, are you okay?"

"I've remembered something," I say aloud. "Something from my past. It's…it's hazy, but I think it's to do with where I came from."

"Really?" Perry sits down on the bed next to me. "Tell me."

So I do.


	3. Chapter 3

**In case it wasn't clear, platypus years = human years x2. Example: a platypus who is nine years old is eighteen in human years.**

…

 _Mother is looking at me. Smiling. "Judy," she whispers. Just my name._

 _"_ _Hey, Matthew. Judy's awake."_

 _Father comes over. Like Mother, he has olive green fur. Like me._

 _"_ _Do you remember what happened, Judy?" Father asks. "You hit your head."_

 _"_ _I remember you," I say aloud. "Mother and Father."_

 _"_ _Do you remember anything else?" Mother asks._

 _I shake my head._

 _"_ _Well, that's okay," Father says optimistically. "We can work on that."_

 _I look around. I'm in an alley. It's light. There are three dumpsters along the side of it._

 _"_ _What can we do to jog her memory, Mandy?" Father asks Mother._

 _"_ _I don't know, Matthew. What should we try and help her remember?"_

 _There's someone approaching as they talk. It's a man. I give a squeak but Mother and Father see him too late. He grabs all three of us by our tails and picks us up. Mother and Father struggle, but since I am only five years old, I do not have the strength._

 _He throws us into separate cages in the back of a van. Mother and Father are together but I am on my own. Everything goes dark. I shrink into the back of the cage as I feel the van start up._

 _We drive for hours. Mother sings to me and Father keeps touching my shoulder but I'm terrified. It's too dark and too cramped. I feel like I'm about to stop breathing at any minute._

 _When we arrive at wherever it is we are, the guy brings us out. That's when I see that we are not alone. About a dozen animals of various species are with us in other cages. I catch the eye of a black rabbit, but before we can talk, I'm taken away from my parents and carried towards a massive building. There's a giant dog paw print carved in stone over the doorway._

 _"_ _Where am I?" I whimper, but nobody around me speaks platypus so they don't know what I said._

 _They take me inside. Everything looks all technologically advanced and futuristic-y. I'm taken to a row of cages. Other animals from chickens to mice fill them. I'm thrown into a thin yet tall cell with nothing in there except a bowl of water and an empty bowl. I press myself against the wall, hyperventilating in terror, but the guy simply closes the barred cell and leaves. I cautiously sip the water because I'm thirsty, and I end up finishing it all._

 _Five minutes later, my parents are thrown in with me._

 _"_ _Judy!" Mother cries._

 _They keep hugging me over and over. I can't stop shivering in terror. I don't know where I am. I've lived for all five years of my life in that alley. It's horrible being here because it's unfamiliar with unfamiliar people and no idea what they're going to do to us._

 _A loud noise suddenly starts up, sounding like a chainsaw. I begin screaming in terror, eyes tightly closed. Mother and Father are holding me tightly between them and I can feel Mother crying._

 _It doesn't end…_

 _It's never going to end…_


	4. Chapter 4

"My mother was called Mandy," I say aloud. "My father was called Matthew. I-I've never been able to recall this information before."

"Sounds like you were taken to some kind of animal testing facility," Perry muses. "Do you remember anything else?"

I frown in concentration. "Only that…there was supposed to be two others in the alleyway with us but I can't remember who or where they went."

"Maybe you had siblings," Perry suggests. "Who wandered off just as you were being taken."

"Maybe," I say doubtfully. "But that's not stirring up any memories…"

All of a sudden, a stab of sadness hits me and I suddenly feel incredibly upset over nothing. That's my depression. Often it doesn't even need a reason to make me feel depressed. I try and overcome it so I can continue talking to Perry but I just feel ridiculously sad so I curl up on my bed and let the feeling of sadness wash over me. That's what Perry said I should do.

I think Perry realises what's happening because he lies down next to me and puts his arms around me. I relax into his body and rest my head on his chest. Being around Perry always makes me feel more like a real being and less like the depressed, anxious, memory-loss-riddled platypus I really am.

My biggest fear is that one day I will forget who Perry is, even for just a minute. I never want to try to remember my home and come up blank. The day that happens will be the day I will finally lose my mind.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know, I'm alone and under the duvet. Perry must have tucked me in. A warm glow replaces the pit in my heart almost entirely. Not quite entirely. But almost.

I get out of bed and look outside. Nobody's in the backyard so I head out to go for a walk. I'm not going to leave the backyard, though. I've learnt my lesson with _that_. I simply walk over to the tree and look up into its branches, watching the birds build a nest in it, and wishing that I could climb trees. I bet the view from the top is great but my anxiety extends to acrophobia so I can't climb or I'll get stuck and not be able to come down, and it'll wreck my nerves.

Sometimes I hate myself. I hate having depression, I hate my anxiety, I hate the fact that I often can't remember things I should always be able to remember, and I hate not being able to always understand people.

Still thinking those negative thoughts, I turn around and bump straight into Perry as he emerges from the tunnel in the oak tree.

"Oh, Judy! What are you doing up?"

"How long did I sleep for?" I ask.

He shrugs. "A few hours."

"But it's morning again."

He looks confused for a moment, before his eyes flicker to the low sun. "Oh, no it isn't. It's about five pm. It only looks like it's morning because it's summer."

"Oh…"

I must have looked forlorn because Perry smiles and takes my arm. "Hey, do you feel up to a trip into OWCA?"

My stomach immediately tightens. "I've never been in there before," I say quietly.

"It'll be okay, you'll be with me. I won't leave you alone without asking you first, and you don't have to consent to that if you'll feel scared. Deal?"

My heart isn't sure about this but my brain is a little bit curious as to what the place Perry goes to every day looks like.

"Okay," I say doubtfully.

We take the tree tunnel to the place I fell into earlier today. Perry calls it his lair. We leave through a door and enter a building with offices and animals walking around everywhere. I subconsciously tighten my grip on Perry's hand.

"It's okay," he reassures me. "But just tell me if you feel too anxious or if something's wrong, okay?"

I nod bravely.

"Perry!" calls a voice, making me jump.

A small, shaking dog comes walking up to us. "Thanks for covering for me yesterday, Perry."

"No problem, Pinky," smiles my mate. "Oh, by the way, I want you to meet my mate, Judy. Judy, this is my closest friend, Pinky."

I'm a bit apprehensive because I don't know if Perry has told him about my conditions or not, but Pinky just smiles at me and says, "If you ever can't find Perry, just look for me. I live on the opposite side of the road to him."

"She was hiding between your trash cans in the rain yesterday," Perry tells him with a grin.

I inwardly curse. _Don't tell him that, Perry, that makes me sound like a freak!_

A bout of anxiety suddenly attacks me as I watch a large and intimidating bear agent walk past. My left paw closes around the pocket watch necklace that's around my neck. Since I don't have my metronome or my notebook or my iPod, it's the most reassuring thing I have on me. I open and close the cover, listening to the satisfying click sound.

Perry notices. "You okay? Anxiety?"

"Just a little," I say quietly. "But it's okay."

Perry suddenly spots someone. It looks like a black and white panda. "Oh, Judy…I need to talk to Peter about something. You want to come?"

There's nothing I want more than to say "YES STAY WITH ME PLEASE" but I smile bravely and say, "It's okay, I'll wait here."

Perry frowns. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. Absolutely."

"Just come over if you need me, okay?"

I nod. "Okay."

Perry slowly lets go of my hand and heads over to the panda. Immediately, my throat seizes up and my heart starts pounding. My inner voice automatically pops up to help me.

Breathe slow, Judy. Slow and steady. You may be in a new place but Perry's right over there. Just breathe slow. Breathe-

Ahh!

Someone bumps into me and knocks me a few steps to my right. It isn't hard but it makes my necklace fly out of my grip and land on the floor a few metres away from me. Instantly, another memory comes flooding back to me, this one more painful than the last.

"Judy!"

I suddenly find myself in Perry's arms. I hadn't realised that I had almost collapsed.

"It's another one," I croak. "Another memory."

That's the last thing I remember before I black out.

…

I wake up back in my shed. Perry is sitting in the chair next to me, looking worriedly at me. "Judy, what happened?"

"My necklace!" I suddenly sit up, panicked. "Did you get my necklace?"

"Relax, I found it. It's on the table." Perry forces me to lie back down. "Judy, what happened?"

"I-I don't know. Someone bumped into me, my necklace went flying, and I-I got another memory."

"Another memory?" Perry repeats. "What of?"

I tell him.


	5. Chapter 5

_Mother is holding me and rocking me gently. I can't see Father. It's been a few days or so since we were first taken here. I'm scared but being so close to Mother is reassuring. I love Mother. Her scent is soothing me. She smells like flowers._

 _The chainsaw noise starts up again, making me cry and bury my head in Mother's chest fur._

 _Father appears from nowhere. He goes over to the bars of the cage and carefully checks the corridor. "They're going along the line," he says. "Mandy, they're going along the line and taking two cages' worth of animals every day."_

 _"_ _Where are we in the order?" Mother asks._

 _Father checks again. "We should be safe for a few days."_

 _I let out a whine._

 _Father comes over to me and strokes my head. "It's okay, Judy. We're here."_

 _"_ _We love you," adds Mother. "We'll always be here for you."_

 _"_ _I love you Mommy," I say._

 _This makes both of them laugh and coo over me._

 _Then Father's tone grows serious. He speaks quietly but I have advanced hearing and I hear every word he says. "We have to protect her."_

 _"_ _I know," says Mother, equally as quietly. "We can't let them get their hands on her."_

 _"_ _We can't, but how are we going to make sure they don't get her? There's nowhere to hide in the cell."_

 _They paused. "When they come for us, cause a scene," Mother suggests. "Then she can slip out."_

 _"_ _Good idea," Father agrees._

 _But they never get a chance to do that. A minute later, the cage is opened and a man's hand grabs Father's legs, pulling him out of the cage._

 _"_ _Matthew!" screams Mother._

 _She clings me with one arm and grabs both of Father's hands with her other hand._

 _"_ _NO!" she screams._

 _She actually drops me so she can hold Father's hands with both of her own. I press myself against the wall in terror, crying out._

 _Then someone grabs Mother's legs, wrenching her grip off Father, who disappears._

 _"_ _Father!" I screech._

 _Mother desperately clings hold of the bars at the front of the cage. I scream and scream. Then Mother reaches into her fur pocket and throws a tiny item to me. "Remember, Judy, we love you and always will!"_

 _"_ _Mother! Don't leave me, please! Please! Stay with me! Mother!"_

 _"_ _We love you!" Mother yells one last time, before her grip is wrenched off and she's gone._

 _I run to the front of the cage but the door closes, blocking me from my parents. "MOTHER! FATHER!" I scream, beginning to sob._

 _I'm only five years old! I can't be separated from my parents! I'm too young! I'm never going to see them again!_

 _I look in despair at the item in my hand. It's a little watch with a cover over it on a chain. I put the chain around my neck and wear the pocketwatch. I can just pick up Mother's scent on it._

 _It's all I have left of Mother._


	6. Chapter 6

"So that's where you got the pocketwatch from," Perry realises.

I nod, feeling an ache in my chest. It's not as strong as my depression waves…yet. "I never remembered that before. I just…I never knew what happened to them."

"They still cared about you," Perry says, rubbing my shoulder. "Until the end."

I nod again. "Don't be offended, but would you be able to leave me alone for a while?"

Perry frowns. "I won't be offended, Judy. I know you need your space, especially after such a troubling memory. Get some rest and come and find me if you feel like it."

Perry gets up and leaves me alone.

I curl up on my bed, feeling a wave of sadness wash over me. I let it wash over me. I look up at the necklace on my table, now knowing the true value of it. It is the only thing I have left of my mother.

Now that I have an image of her in my head, I quickly get out of bed and go to my notebook. I sit down at the table with it and begin sketching.

An hour later, I have a perfect sketch—coloured perfectly too—of my parents, beaming, hand in hand. It's how I want to remember them: happy. I'm sure it's how they would want to be remembered. I also have a vague feeling that I should be missing another person too, but for the moment I have no idea who that is.

I suddenly feel the need to cry as I think of my parents, who I'm never going to see again. I lie back down on my bed and let myself sob my heart out.

I'm not sure how long I do that for, but when I finally stop, I decide to go out for a walk to clear my head. If I stick to where's familiar, I shouldn't get lost.

I walk along the sidewalk on all fours, thoughts swirling through my head.

 _I was at an animal testing lab…they took Mother and Father! I-I can't believe I couldn't remember that…_

 _Actually, I can._

 _Memory loss? That's where it must have started. Whatever happened to me in that place, that must be where I got my depression, my anxiety, my memory loss. It makes sense._

 _I hate them._

 _Who? Mother and Father?_

 _What? No! Of course not! I hate the people who took them away. The people who made me an orphan._

 _The people who turned me into the wreck I am today._

 _Judy…_

 _It's not okay! They can't just take animals away from their habitats and-!_

 _Judy!_

 _What?_

 _…_ _where are you?_

I stop walking suddenly. I've wandered off into a part of Danville that isn't familiar to me. There are too many tall buildings and not enough suburban houses.

Oh no…

I can feel my anxiety stabbing me in the stomach. The sounds of the cars and someone yelling become too loud for me.

 _Help, help, help, help, help, help!_

My inner voice obliges.

Breathe slow, Judy. Turn around and walk back the way you came.

Like this?

No, you forgot to turn. Turn around. That's it. Now walk back the way you came.

I can't remember the way I came!

Breathe, Judy. _Breathe._

Breathe…

Well done. Now, does anything look familiar?

…I see the park. Perry took me there once.

Very good, Judy! Can you remember the way home from here?

I think so…

Okay then, keep walking. Keep walking.

Inner voice? Why do you sound like Perry today?

I suppose it's because you're starting to think of him as your guiding light when you are anxious or depressed. That's why your inner voice has begun sounding like Perry. Anyway, are you nearly home?

I-I don't know where home is!

Breathe slow, Judy. Do you remember Perry?

I…yes. Perry, he's my mate.

Good. So you haven't completely lost your mind yet.

Thanks a lot, inner voice.

You're welcome. Anyway, does anything else look familiar?

I'm past the park now…I think that's Perry's friend Pinky's house. I was hiding between the two trash cans out front.

Which means that Perry's house is…?

Opposite!

I quickly run through the backyard and into the shed. I collapse on my bed, breathing heavily. _Oh man. That was pulse-racing._

Why am I like this? Why do I have to be anxious all the time? Why can't I go for a walk, end up in an unfamiliar part of town, and _not_ panic?

I lie on my bed until Perry comes back. "Judy, are you okay?"

"I hate my life," I sigh, curling up on my bed. "I wish I was dead."

"Judy, please don't say that!"

"I'm sorry," I snap. "I just had a bad day."

"Bad days don't make bad lives," Perry says gently.

That triggers something in me. I see the image of a black rabbit, one I don't recognise, but he looks so familiar.

Why does he look familiar?

Then another memory comes flooding back to me, making me jerk.

"Bad days don't make bad lives!" I repeat urgently, shaking Perry by the shoulders. "I remembered something! Someone's said that exact thing to me before…"

"Who?" Perry asks.

I tell him.


	7. Chapter 7

_It's only been three days since I lost my parents. I'm curled up by the bars of the cage. I've refused water and food, and I'm slowly parching. But I don't care. They've killed Mother and Father, so if I die, I'll be with them again. That's all I want._

 _The cage door opens a little and a dual bowl of food and water is pushed in. As the cage door closes, I give the bowl a weak kick. I don't want anything from them. They took away my parents._

 _"_ _If you don't eat, you're gonna die," says a male voice from opposite me._

 _I peer through the bars and see the black rabbit that I had seen on the truck on the first day. He's sitting next to the bars of his own cell that's opposite mine, with his back against the wall._

 _"_ _I don't care," I say miserably. "They took Mother and Father."_

 _"_ _Look, kid, we've all had bad days."_

 _"_ _It wasn't just a bad day!" I yell. "Mother and Father are gone forever! My whole life is bad!"_

 _"_ _Bad days don't make bad lives," the rabbit told me._

 _I turn my back to him. "Whatever."_

 _"_ _How old are you, kid?"_

 _I look over my shoulder at him. I don't really want to answer but he's the first person to talk to me here apart from my parents. "Five."_

 _"_ _What's your name?"_

 _"_ _Judy."_

 _"_ _I'm Ferris," says the rabbit. "I've been here for two years."_

 _I stare at him through the bars of my cage. "I thought I saw you on the truck a few days ago?"_

 _Ferris chuckles. "I thought that was you I saw. I was just testing. So you were brought with your parents?"_

 _"…_ _yes."_

 _Ferris sighs. "Look, kid, I know you miss your parents a lot, but starving yourself isn't going to do anyone any good. It's all about survival here."_

 _I uncurl myself and go over to the bowl. I have a couple of sips of the water and two mouthfuls of food, and my stomach thanks me profoundly. I do feel a little better._

 _"_ _There ya go, kid," says Ferris approvingly. "Feel better?"_

 _I nod. "Thank you."_

 _"_ _I know how rough it is to lose your parents," Ferris says sympathetically. "I also know that grief can be a killer. So I'm just glad I saved another from death."_

 _I pause, digesting this information. "Were_ your _parents killed?"_

 _Ferris nods sadly. "Yeah. Few days before I was brought here, actually. We all lived in an alley in Danville somewhere. My brother, Curtis, was closer to them than I was. When they died after being hit by a car, he starved himself just like you did. Only I didn't know that. I thought he was just grieving and that he'd get better within a few days, but he parched to death because he refused to drink."_

 _"_ _I'm so sorry…"_

 _"_ _It's fine…it's just that he was the last family I had left. I didn't have anywhere else. I guess it's kind of lucky I got brought here or I'd have starved too."_

 _"_ _But they're going to kill all of us at some point or another, aren't they?" I ask._

 _"_ _Not necessarily." Ferris jerks his thumb in the direction of one of the cages to our left. "There's a capybara or something in one of those cages who's been taken out loads of times and put back. Depends what you're made of."_

 _I look confusedly down at myself. "Isn't everyone made of fur and bones and blood?"_

 _Ferris also looks confused for a minute, before he chuckles. "Sorry. You talk so sophisticated that I forgot you're only five."_

 _"_ _So is there a way out?" I ask._

 _Ferris sighs. "No. Like you said, everyone in here's going to die at some point. None of us are going to make it out alive."_

 _None of us are going to make it out alive._

 _That single thought paralyses me with fear._

 _I'm not going to make it out alive._


	8. Chapter 8

"That's who I felt like I should be missing earlier," I explain. "Ferris. I don't know yet what happened to him, but I'm sure it must have been something bad…"

I can feel my shoulders begin to shake. Perry puts his arms around me and hugs me reassuringly. "It's okay, Judy. I'm here."

He seems to realise that I need reassurance because he says, "Hey, my boys are having a movie marathon tonight. Want to sit in and watch?"

"Won't they mind?" I ask worriedly.

Perry shakes his head. "No way. Phineas and Ferb love you almost as much as they love me."

I nod slowly. "Okay, then."

"I'll be with you."

"Okay."

A few hours later, it's all dark. The two boys are sitting in the living room of the house with a blanket over them and a bowl of popcorn between them. Perry and I are lying on the floor beside the couch, watching the first movie with them.

"So what exactly is this about?" I ask. "I'm not really following."

"You can understand English, right?"

"Oh yes. I just find the plot kind of hard to follow."

Perry gives me an explanation about how shapeshifting aliens take the place of people and keep their heads in jars. For the rest of the marathon, Perry describes everything that's happening that I don't understand while I focus on the dialogue. It's actually rather funny; there's a subplot in the third movie of two people who "hate" each other (though it's more like they love each other but they just like arguing all the time) and their dialogue is hilarious. It's like they deliberately come up with the stupidest ever insults and reasons to be mad at each other.

It helps me forget about my worries for the whole night and makes me feel normal, which is a pleasant change. I feel happy; I'm just sitting inside, watching a movie with my mate, and I love it so much.

When the third movie is over, the boys decide to have a break. One of them goes to replenish the snacks while the other goes to the toilet.

"Did you understand everything in that last movie?" Perry asks.

I nod, yawning. "I think so." I check my pocketwatch, which says the time is nearly midnight.

"If you're getting tired, we can go," Perry offers.

I shake my head. "It's fine. I'm really enjoying myself."

Perry smiles. "Me too."

"I actually feel like I'm normal," I smile. "It's really nice. I'm not anxious, I'm not depressed, I remember everything. It's amazing. I feel completely normal."

Perry gives me a hug. "I'm glad."

The boys come back at the same time. One of the boys puts down a bowl of popcorn in front of us.

"Is this for us?" I ask in astonishment.

Perry glances up at his owners, who have sat back down on the sofa. "I guess so. They have their own."

"Cool!" I sit back on my haunches and use my front paws to eat some popcorn. "How many movies are there left?"

"I think we're halfway through. I think there's three left."

"How long are they?"

"Two hours each."

"That's going to take us to six am," I say.

Perry grins. "Yep. But you're not the one who has to go to work at seven."

"Oh." I pause. "Are you going to leave at some point?"

"Only if I get too tired to carry on," Perry replies. "And I don't get that tired easily."

"Okay."

The next movie starts. I find it easier to follow this one and, while it's nowhere near as funny as the last one, the fact that I can follow the plot makes up for the lack of hilarity. I don't even need Perry's explanations.

Once the penultimate movie has finished, one of the boys stands up and stretches. "Hey, Ferb? Don't we have to take Perry to the vet later?"

Perry grimaces. "I was hoping they'd forgotten."

"What happens at the "vet"?" I ask.

"Oh, don't worry. They're just going to give me a vaccination. It won't really hurt."

"Vack-sin-ation?" I repeat in confusion.

"It's just a series of injections. You know, with needles."

That word makes me shudder. My heart sounds pounding and I don't know why. Then an image of a terrifying needle comes to my head.

Perry seems to notice that I've started shaking. "Are you okay?"

"I-I just remembered something else," I stammer. "A memory…of an injection…"

"An injection? Can you tell me more?"

I do.


	9. Chapter 9

_They come for me one day._

 _It's been two days since I met Ferris properly. They open my cage, take me out, and carry me away. I don't struggle; I know my time is finally here._

 _None of us are going to make it out alive anyway._

 _The last thing I hear from the cages is Ferris's voice yelling my name._

 _Then I'm put on a table with a hand holding me down. I'm so petrified with fear that I probably wouldn't be able to run even if the hand wasn't holding me down._

 _Then a sharp needle is inserted into my side. I'm more concerned by the pain that's coming from the place where I was injected to worry about what they actually injected into me. My side seizes up and I can't feel my left arm or left leg._

 _Then the pain properly starts._

 _I yell aloud and my arms and legs scrabble, even my numb left ones, as the pain surges through me. It feels like I've been stung by a poisonous scorpion or something. It's just stinging, agonising pain surging through my whole body. I scream and cry as I feel my immune system trying to fight the pain. A minute later, it changes. It's now like I've been set on fire after having been stung by a poisonous scorpion._

 _Then it spreads to my lungs and I'm suddenly incredibly short of breath. The more I kick my legs and arms, the more pain shoots through my lungs, but that just makes me scrabble even harder, and it's just a vicious cycle._

 _I don't know how long the pain lasts, but I remember wishing I was dead. Not only would I get to see my parents again, but this pain would stop._

 _I want it to stop._

 _"_ _Judy!" shouts a male voice._

 _Father? Am I in heaven? Am I dead? I feel dead._

 _"_ _Jesus, kid…! You're looking terrible! What the hell did they do to you?"_

 _That's not Father's voice. Father doesn't call me "kid". Father doesn't talk like that. That's…_

 _"_ _Judy, talk to me!" Ferris yells._

 _I'm lying back on the floor of my cage. I feel quite dead, but some of the aftershocks of the pain are there: I can feel that my limbs are stiff and I'm very breathless._

 _I gingerly roll onto my front and look up at Ferris, who's clutching the bars in horror. It looks like he's been crying._

 _"_ _Jesus, kid!" Ferris gasps again. "Don't give a guy a heart attack like that! I thought you were dead!"_

 _"_ _I feel dead," I mutter, checking my body for any scars._

 _There's one. It's on my side, where I was injected. I have to raise my arm and twist my head to see it, but it's there. It looks like a freckle, except it's red and twice the size, though it has the same uneven shape._

 _"_ _What did they do to you?" Ferris demands._

 _"_ _There was a needle," I recall. "And they-there was so much pain…I-I wanted to die…."_

 _"_ _Well, you didn't." Ferris sounds half-admiring, half-scared. "Whatever they did to you, you didn't die. You're resilient. You might just survive this place."_

 _"_ _I might survive?"_

 _"_ _Sure. While you were out, I heard some humans talking about releasing the capybara back into the wild, and they came and took him away, so I assume that's what they did. If you survive enough times, you might be let go."_

 _I could survive…_

 _"_ _I wouldn't be able to survive without you, Ferris," I say, smiling at my friend. "I'm glad you're with me."_

 _Ferris gives a half-smile back. "Me too, kid. I like you."_


	10. Chapter 10

I shake at the memory of the pain. It's horrible. I can still remember the feeling of the stinging agony coursing through me.

I shakily lift up the fur around my side and see the red scar. It's not as bright red as it was in the memory but it's still very much visible. Luckily, it can only be seen if I lift my fur up. I let my fur lie flat again and it's almost entirely hidden from view.

"They injected you with something," Perry says, thinking. "What could it be?"

"I don't know. All I was focusing on was the agonising pain," I say slightly bitterly.

I'm thinking hard. I hate my anxiety and I would do anything to get rid of it. If I want to lose my anxiety, I'm going to have to try and overcome it. That means being more confident in new places.

I turn to Perry. "Can I go back to OWCA?"

He looks at me in surprise. "Really? But after last time?"

"I want to try and get rid of my anxiety," I say firmly, already regretting my choice. "That means I'm going to have to be more confident in new places, and OWCA's perfect because it's new but you're there with me."

Perry looks doubtful. "If you're sure…I was planning to go in at seven to write up my annual report, so you'll come with me then?"

I nod. "That's fine."

…

The next morning, Perry and I head into OWCA for the second time, through the oak tree tunnel. I'm feeling more than apprehensive about this but I can't turn back now.

I want this anxiety gone.

When we get there, I breathe in deeply and look around at all the things I might find scary. There's a giant bear agent but I make myself focus on his friendly face rather than his large claws or intimidating size.

Good start, Judy.

I'm still holding hands with Perry, though. I don't feel confident enough yet, but we've got time.

Perry takes me to his office cubicle. I sit on a spare swinging chair and spin myself around while Perry types up his report.

After a few minutes, Perry stretches. "I could do with some water. Want any?"

I jump up. "I'll get it!"

Perry eyes me. "Are you sure?"

I nod determinedly. "Absolutely. Where's the water cooler?"

"Just down the corridor a bit," Perry replies doubtfully. "Are you really sure?"

"Perry, I need to at least tone down my level of anxiety, and being on my own in a strange place will help. Besides, if I feel overwhelmed, you'll just be a few metres away. I need to do this, Perry. I don't want to be stuck with such strong anxiety forever."

Perry nods, still looking a little worried. "Okay."

I leave the office and ignore the immediate stab of anxiety that hits my heart.

Shut up, anxiety. We're doing this.

I walk all the way down the corridor and spot the water cooler. There's an orange turtle already there, getting a cup of water. Social anxiety is a large part of my overall anxiety but I bravely ignore it and walk up to the orange turtle and stand behind him, waiting for my turn.

He turns and sees me. "Oh, hello. Are you a new agent?"

Speak, Judy. Overcome your anxiety. "No, I'm Perry's mate, Judy."

"Oh, you're Perry's mate!" The orange turtle smiles. "I'm Terry, one of Perry's friends."

I actually manage to shake his hand. "Nice to meet you."

"So are you here visiting, then?"

I nod and even manage to chuckle. "Yeah, I'm checking out where my mate goes every day."

Terry grins. "And what do you think?"

"It's busy," I answer truthfully. "But people are friendly here."

"Yeah," agrees Terry. "So how'd you and Perry meet?"

"Well… basically, he found me in the forest one day four years ago, unconscious, and carried me back to his house. When I woke up, I didn't recall anything about my past. I've been living with him ever since."

"That's actually quite cute," Terry smiles.

I let out a breath. I was hoping he wouldn't find it weird.

"Well, I'd better get back to work. Nice meeting you."

"Likewise," I say.

I'm in a dream as I get two cups of water and go back to Perry's office. That is literally the longest conversation I've had with anyone besides Perry in the four years I've lived in his shed.

I get back to Perry's office, hand him his water, and fist pump the air. _"Yes!"_ I hiss triumphantly.

He looks at me, amused. "What?"

"I actually had a conversation with someone!"

Perry beams. "That's great, Judy. Who did you talk to?"

"Your friend Terry."

"Oh, Terry. Yeah, he's really friendly."

I'm buzzing with excitement. For once, I'm in a new place and I don't feel anxious.

Perry reaches out to me and I go to hold his hand. As I touch his hand, however, a tiny static shock jumps from his finger to mine, making me jolt back.

"Ouch, static," laughs Perry. Then he sees my stricken face. "Another memory?"

I nod slowly.

"A…painful one?"

"You could say that…"


	11. Chapter 11

_"_ _So your parents' names were Mandy and Matthew?" Ferris says._

 _I nod. "They were amazing. Mother gave me this necklace."_

 _I take out the necklace from its hiding place in my fur pocket and show it to Ferris. "Look, it opens."_

 _I click it open and show the watch to Ferris, who gives a half smile. "That's nice, kid."_

 _"_ _It's the last thing I have of them," I say sadly, looking down at the watch. I close it up and address Ferris. "They haven't come for either of us yet. Well, me again."_

 _"_ _No they haven't." Ferris sounds scared. "Which means it must be time soon."_

 _"_ _Don't say that, please," I beg. "When I get out, I'll need you with me."_

 _Ferris sighs. "You know that's most likely not going to happen."_

 _"_ _Don't say that!" I screech suddenly, bashing my paw against the bar, startling Ferris._

 _"_ _I'm sorry," the rabbit says quietly. "I just…don't want to raise your hopes only for them to be dashed."_

 _I nod sadly. "I understand that. And I thank you for caring about me. I just really want to believe that you'll escape with me."_

 _"_ _I do too," Ferris says. "Believe me, I really do. It's just that…any day here could be my last and I don't want your final memory of me to be a bad one."_

 _"_ _Trust me, if you were to die—which you're not—the memory of you I would carry with me would be you helping me get over my parents' deaths and being there for me so I don't go crazy with no-one to talk to._ That's _what I'd remember about you."_

 _Ferris smiles._

 _Suddenly, a human comes walking down the corridor towards our cages._

 _"_ _Oh no…!" I gasp._

 _The human opens my cage and lifts me out._

 _"_ _No!" Ferris reaches through his cage._

 _This time, though, I resist. I kick, scratch, bite, and claw, but human just hits me against the wall and dazes me. Through my dizzy brain, I hear Ferris yell, "JUDY!"_

 _Then I'm taken to the same room as before. This time, I'm put on a tray with sides that are high enough and slippery enough to prevent escape. For some reason, the floor of it is metal._

 _I soon find out that that is for the electricity to be conducted through._

 _I don't know how many times I was electrocuted. All I know is that I feel the current shocking me and it feels even worse than the injection I received two days ago. That felt like I had been stung by a scorpion. This feels like I'm trapped in the embrace of a jellyfish that's stinging me over and over and over again, and it feels even more agonising every time a current goes through me._

 _I'm sure my heart must have stopped at several points during the exercise, but it must have restarted by the same currents that stopped it, because I found myself back in my cage, barely alive, after what seemed like days. I can hear Ferris's voice again, but my shocked and addled brain can't figure out what he's saying._

 _All I can do is lie on my side with my eyes closed and try to recover. I can't even eat or drink anything that they give me._

 _When I do recover enough to drink, I clean out my dual dish for the first time since arriving._

 _"_ _Oh thank God, I thought you'd died!" comes Ferris's voice._

 _I look across the way at Ferris, who looks like he's almost fainting with relief._

 _"_ _You didn't move for like a day," Ferris informs me, very much relieved. "I actually thought your heart had stopped."_

 _"_ _It did."_

 _"_ _What?"_

 _I explain what they did. To my surprise, Ferris's face lights up. "Don't you see?" he asks excitedly. "That's gotta be the worst thing they can do to anyone, and you survived it! You could be released!"_

 _"_ _I-I could?"_

 _"_ _I don't want to get your hopes up, but you really could," Ferris smiles. "I hope you do."_

 _"_ _Me too."_


	12. Chapter 12

"You were electrocuted?"

I nod. "That's what I remember. It felt horrible…"

"I'm sure it did."

I examine my mate. His expression is incredibly angry. "Are you cross?"

"Of course I am," Perry snaps. "But not with you. With those people who deemed it okay to do that to you. They _electrocuted_ you over and over again! What possible purpose could that have?"

"Torture," I mutter sullenly.

"That might just be it. I'm just glad Ferris was there to help you."

Ferris…

When I think about him, I feel a sharp pain in my heart. I don't want to remember what happened to him because I think I know and I don't want to be proved right.

"Are you okay? Do you want to go home?" Perry asks.

I shake my head. "I want to stay here for as long as I can. I'm going to go for a walk."

"Are you-?"

"Yes I'm sure!" I snap.

I turn and leave the office in a huff. I know Perry loves me and he's only looking out for me but when I say I want to do something, I don't need to be undermined all the time with "are you sure?" because yes, I'm sure! I wouldn't be doing it if I wasn't sure!

I go for a long walk around OWCA HQ. I do feel a bit anxious every now and again, but this place is starting to become familiar in my mind, rather than unfamiliar. I chat to a few people and I even find OWCA's doctor, Apollo. I visit his twin sister Artemis, who is OWCA's counsellor, and she gives me a few tips to calm myself down, and she even listens to me prattle on about my problems. She tells me that that's her job.

By the time I get back to Perry, it's actually evening time. Perry looks worried.

"Goodness me, Judy, you were gone a while! I almost sent out a search party for you."

"I'm fine," I smile sweetly, which makes him look at me weirdly. "I promise. I had a nice chat to lots of your friends, and the twins, Apollo and Artemis. They're all really friendly."

He stares at me. "Who are you and what have you done with my mate?"

"It's true. I'm feeling a lot more relaxed here."

"Oh…well that's good. Anyway, I was about to head home. Coming?"

I nod. "I'm coming."

When we get home, Perry takes me inside the Flynn-Fletchers' house. "What are we doing in here?"

"I just wondered if you wanted to sleep in my bed with me tonight."

"Oh…okay." Honestly, I'm a more surprised than worried by that. "Cool!"

We sleep in his bed for a while, before Perry wakes me up at about ten pm. "Come on, she's asleep."

"Who's asleep?" I ask sleepily.

"Candace. Her bed is so soft but she doesn't like me so she doesn't allow me on her bed. But I sneak up there when she's asleep, so let's go."

"What if we get caught?" I ask worriedly.

"It's okay, she likes you more than she likes me because you smell better."

"What?"

Perry blushed. "Okay, that came out wrong. It's because you use that perfume you like, don't you?"

I nod.

"I don't, so I smell really bad to her. That's one of the main reasons she dislikes me. Whereas you smell really nice to her so she won't be as angry at you."

"That's reassuring…"

But Perry's right. Candace's bed is _ridiculously_ soft. How on Earth did she get her bed this soft? It's like sleeping on a cloud!

The next thing I know, a female human voice is screaming, "EW! GET OFF MY BED!"

I fall off the bed in fright. Perry soon follows me. "There's the anger," he says, sounding slightly amused.

One of the boys—Phineas—comes into the room. He scoops up Perry. "You don't do it on purpose, do you, boy?" he asks Perry, who chatters in response.

Candace apparently overhears the question. "Of course he doesn't! He's just a dumb animal who doesn't know any better!"

The words _"he's just a dumb animal"_ echo in my head over and over again. I've heard that before…where have I heard that before? And why does it come with such a sharp sting to my chest?

Then the voice gets deeper and I know exactly where I've heard it before.

A final memory shoots through my brain, and I almost pass out from the pain. I quickly race as fast as I can out of the room and downstairs and outside and into my shed. I jump onto my bed and lie on my side, shaking.

Perry comes in a minute later. "Are you okay? Is it another memory?"

I nod shakily. "It's horrible…make it stop!"

"Shh…" Perry sits down next to me on the bed and puts his paw on my shoulder. "Why don't you tell me about it?"

So I do.


	13. Chapter 13

_"_ _Jude, I think I found a way out for you!" Ferris can barely contain his excitement._

 _"_ _Really?" I gasp. "What is it?"_

 _"_ _Well, one of the head researchers at this lab has a daughter that's about ten years old, and she loves animals. Yesterday, her father told her that she could choose one of the animals in the facility to keep, and she said she wanted you!"_

"WHAT?" _I yell. "She did?"_

 _"_ _She's going to collect you in a few minutes!"_

 _"_ _Yes!" I hiss, pumping the air. "I'm getting out!"_

 _"_ _Yes, yes you are," smiles Ferris, looking very happy for me._

 _"_ _Can we persuade her to take you too?" I ask hopefully._

 _His smile disappears. "That's not going to be possible, I'm afraid."_

 _"_ _Why?" I whine. "Surely we can-."_

 _"_ _NO we can't!" Ferris suddenly yells._

 _I recoil. Ferris sighs. "I'm sorry. It's just that…no, nothing."_

 _"_ _What?" I demand. "Tell me!"_

 _Ferris seems to hear something down the corridor. I hear it too: it's footsteps. It sounds like one of the adult humans, not a child. Someone's coming for one of the animals._

 _"_ _Okay, I wasn't entirely telling you the truth," Ferris admitted. "She wanted to choose between you or me to take out of here. I bit her on the finger so that she would choose you."_

 _"_ _Oh, Ferris…!" I clap my hands over my mouth, tears rolling down my face._

 _"_ _You've survived so much, you deserve to get out," Ferris says, not looking me in the eye. "You can either become her pet or you can escape when you get outside. You deserve an amazing life, Judy. Me, I'm older. I've already lived a lot of my life. You're only five. You deserve to live."_

 _"_ _So do you!" I gasp out. "Please, Ferris, don't do this!"_

 _"_ _It's already done," Ferris says quietly. "They're coming for me now."_

 _"_ _No!" I yell. "Please, don't!"_

 _The human stops in front of Ferris's cage and lifts him out. He makes eye contact with me and says, "Goodbye, Judy," before he's carried away._

 _"_ _FERRIS!" I yell, tears flowing down my face uncontrollably. "NO!"_

 _I hear a young voice ask, "Is the rabbit okay?"_

 _I've never heard any of the humans speak before. It's an odd feeling._

 _"_ _Don't worry, he's just a dumb animal. He doesn't understand what we're doing."_

 _"_ _YES HE DOES!" I scream. "He does! I-I love you, Ferris! Thank you so much for helping me!"_

 _I don't know if he hears me. All of a sudden, a young human girl bends down in front of my cage._

 _"_ _It's a platypus!"_

 _I almost hiss but I force myself to calm down. This girl is my ticket out of here._

 _Sure enough, she picks me up and carries me out of the facility. I do feel a bit bad about it, but I wriggle and leap out of her arms and race for the trees. I disappear into the forest._

 _I run until I can't run anymore, and then I collapse in the soil. Fresh air, birds singing, trees, grass. All things I thought I would never experience again._

 _I feel my heart beating very fast. It's returned. My anxiety. I had forgotten about it while I was with Ferris, but now that he's gone…_

 _He sacrificed his only chance at freedom to allow me to have it. I can't stop sobbing at his sacrifice. Oh, Ferris…I will never forget you. You gave me a way out, and I will never forget that._

 _Never._


	14. Chapter 14

"And that's where I found you," Perry says quietly, recognising my current state. "In the forest, barely conscious."

I don't reply. He massages my shoulder briefly. "I'll leave you alone for a while so you can get to grips with this."

He leaves.

I curl up on my bed and cry and cry and cry and cry until I have no more tears left and then I cry some more.

Ferris…

I can't believe he sacrificed himself for me. He rejected his chance at freedom and gave it to me so that I could be free. Then he was taken away and most likely killed for it…

He was my only friend in there and he gave up his freedom for me.

Now I know where I got my depression from.

The anxiety started with the separation anxiety I got from being ripped away from my parents.

The memory loss is my brain trying to get rid of the memories of those two excruciatingly painful experiences.

The depression is from my loss of Ferris.

That's why I am the way I am.

I am a former test subject with both physical and emotional scars to show for it.

I was torn away from my parents as a child, I was injected with a horribly painful substance, I was electrocuted more times than I can count, and I lost my closest friend who surrendered his chance at freedom so that I could have it.

That's why I am the way I am.

My scars should have made me stronger but they didn't. They taught me that life is hard but instead of being toughened from it, I was weakened. I received anxiety, depression, memory loss, and all sorts of painful memories that I don't want.

That's why I am the way I am.

I get up off the bed and run out of the shed. I run as fast as I can and I don't care where I'm going. I don't want to live with all these painful memories. My parents, my physical torture, Ferris. It's all too much. I don't want the memories. I want to forget.

 _I want to forget._

I see the car too late. It hits me and sends me flying heavily onto the sidewalk, injuring me badly. My legs and arms are numb, my head is dizzy, and I can barely move. I struggle to my feet and lean on a trash can for support. Even though I'm not entirely feeling all that anxious, my inner voice tries to help.

Judy, you're hurt. You need to find your way back home.

I don't want to.

Judy-

I said I don't want to! I don't want to live with these memories anymore!

Judy, you've only remembered for a few minutes. Before that, you lived four years without remembering why you are what you are. You need to be honest with yourself about how bad these memories feel so you can move on. You need to think about it and think about it until you feel better about it.

I don't want to feel better about it! I want these memories gone!

You can try and do something about that later. For now, you need to make your way back home. You know I'm right, Judy. You won't survive out here for much longer.

…I know. I need to find home.

Good. Now, where do you live?

I live with my mate. I live with-

Oh no…

Oh no…!

Oh no!

OH NO!

WHO DO I LIVE WITH?

Judy, breathe slow!

I HAVE A MATE BUT I CAN'T PICTURE HIM AND I DON'T REMEMBER HIS NAME!

Calm down! Think logically!

NOOOOOO!

Judy, get up! You can't lie there for much longer or you'll die of your injuries!

I don't care! I don't have anywhere to go!

Yes you do! You may not be able to remember him but you have a mate who loves you and cares about you and he'll come and find you! You have to help him! Get up and start walking back the way you came!

What's the point? I'm going to die anyway. And that's good. I'll finally forget. The pain will be over.

Don't let Ferris's sacrifice be in vain!

…Ferris…

Judy, please. Think about Ferris. He wouldn't want you to forget him. He would want you to remember what he did for you. He sentenced himself to death to allow your freedom. Don't waste it, Judy. Don't waste the opportunity he gave you.

I-I won't…

Good, Judy! Get up and walk. You can do it. Quickly!

I'm trying…it hurts…

Of course it hurts, you were hit by a car!

Not helping. Okay…there's the park…but it looks different…

Maybe you're on a different side?

Oh no…I don't know which side I'm on…

Breathe slow, Judy.

Breathing hurts, inner voice! Everything hurts! I'm not going to make it…

Think of your mate!

I DON'T HAVE A MATE!

Judy…!

I-I can't remember my mate…I'm such a horrible person…I can't remember…I have no home…

Yes you do! Just please hold on!

I can't.

I'm so sorry.

My mate…

I'm leaving. The pain is too much. My heart is failing. I'm not going to make it.

JUDY!


	15. Chapter 15

**Last chapter!**

…

"Judy? Can you hear me? Please wake up! The vet said you might not ever wake up but I need you, I really do! Please, Judy!"

It's Perry's voice.

Perry…

Perry…!

PERRY!

I have a mate and I know his name and I can picture him! Perry!

My eyes open and immediately I see white. It's a ceiling. I'm lying on my back on a soft-ish surface that doesn't quite feel like a bed. There's a dull ache everywhere in my body.

"Judy!"

I turn my head and see my teal-coloured mate sitting beside me. His face is pale but he looks relieved when he sees I'm awake.

"Oh my goodness…I thought you were dead! You almost WERE dead!"

"I got hit by a car," I rasp, my voice feeling dry and unused.

"Don't speak," Perry says immediately. "You were out there for almost a day and you've been in the vets for nearly a week now. In and out of surgery."

"Am I okay?" I croak worriedly.

Perry nods. "There aren't any lasting injuries. Your left arm and right leg will both have to be in casts for a while, but otherwise you're fine."

I lean my head back and close my eyes again. Perry's voice drifts into my ear: "When I saw you were gone, I wasn't too scared at first. I mean, you've been on walks before and I've found you okay after a while. But when I couldn't find you in the forest or the immediately vicinity of the house, I was so terrified. I thought I'd lost you forever."

I feel guilty about wanting to die. I mean, I couldn't have left Perry like that. He would have been heartbroken. We wouldn't have even got the chance to say goodbye.

At least Ferris and I got to say goodbye to each other…

"I wanted to walk," I explain hoarsely. "I wanted the memories to go away. I-I wanted to die."

Perry sucks in a sharp breath.

"I didn't want to remember all my pain. I thought it was too much. Then I got hit by the car. I still wanted to die but my inner voice persuaded me to get up. Then I…I forgot who you were."

"Oh, Judy…!"

"I was so scared. I thought I didn't have a home anymore."

"Oh, Judy," Perry says again, putting his arms around me. "You will always have a home."

…

Two days later, I'm back at home. Sure enough, I have a cast on my leg and a cast on my wrist but all things considered it could have been a lot worse.

I'm learning to live with my memories now. I've accepted how bad it feels and I've moved on. I still think about my parents but for some reason their loss didn't affect me as much as Ferris's did. That's probably bad but I can't help it. I know Mother and Father gave life to me, but Ferris saved mine when I was grieving for them. Without him, I would have never met Perry. I would never have made it out of the life of a lab animal.

My name is Judy the Platypus. I had depression, anxiety, periods of memory loss, and some condition called Asperger's. I still have all of them but they are not as strong or frequent now. My mate Perry loves me a lot and I love him too. I would never have survived this without him. I've never been able to recall my past before, but flashes of seemingly random events have given me all I need to find out who I am. With Perry's help, I have pieced together where I came from. I know why I am the way I am now. I'm a former test subject who survived through my own willpower and the sacrifices of others.

And I'm going to make Ferris proud of the life he gave me.


End file.
